Today I've been seduced by my fears. Ever since getting the stomach flu we've had no choice, but to let Tin watch days of tv shows. He needed rest and it kept him and bed. We needed rest and it kept us testings. Now that we are all better all the tv watching has translated itself into feet stomping, not following the simplest of directions and a huge nightmare for me.
I've decided that being a good mommy is a moment by moment choice. At any given moment I can choose to loose it or be patient and take things slowly. Honestly, it's so much easier to just loose it, to not fight for my child to let him run our lives. That's not gonna happen though, my strength is in Christ and He gives me wisdom in my battles with my son. Every moment today I've chosen to take it slowly and be a good mom, I have been. The fears still come though. I just ran to my husband half way in tears telling him its time to move to a farm house where he can run wild and free without all these games and tv shows effecting him.
I know it's my choice to sit him down in front of that tv screen. It's my easy way out, my babysitter when deadlines come. I've decided to turn it off. I can't lean on it anymore as it's been disconnected. Now I need to stretch myself and become a creative mom as God had created me to be.
That's off my chest. That's what I've been dealing with and working through. That's my life at the moment, messy and oh so beautiful all at the same time. I've also been seeing how hard I am on myself, I need to be.