Monday, November 27, 2017

My Flesh and Social Media

You might have read a few posts about comparing oneself on social media. I've read those too and discovered that's not my issue. I actually get encouraged by the pretty in peoples lives, it inspires me. My issue is my own flesh and its tendency to make pretty because I know I can get popular, recognized and so on. I also find it interesting how people point the finger on others saying they post only the beautiful and so on when the real issue is with their hearts. Have you considered that the things that come up in you in response to the feed might be a valuable mirror, showing you things that are inside of  you that are hurting and right need healing. I have to do this weekly and bring my issues to the feet of Jesus.

You see, for me, it's easy to do things, show my life in the way social media will go bonkers over. I did reach 40K Instagram followers when that felt impossible to so many. My issue is the way my flesh wants to do only what will get recognized over what God wants to do in my life. Maybe God wants me to show the unpopular, loose followers, but get seen by those who He needs. You see, I want to play God's way and not the worlds way, but then I get my flesh that wants to do it the worlds way.

I feel this tension DAILY! For me, it has to be a daily choice to ignore my flesh, it's striving and follow God. This right here isn't easy and I don't do it perfectly every day. There are days where my flesh wins, it parties hard and the next day I am left with a huge hangover in my spirit. The hangover looks like voices of doubt, rejections, not being enough, feeling like I failed and so many other negative feelings that come at my heart. When I do it God's way, I don't feel that way. I feel victorious that I am walking in His calling for my life. 

Walking with God also means letting go of thousands of followers and being okay with it. Like I said, I started with 40K followers and now have 28K with loosing up to 50 followers a day. I have to be okay with this because the day I said yes to God was the day my following started to dwindle. It's not that God doesn't want me to be successful, but I think it more about what He is doing in my heart. If it affects me and I only look at the numbers then my heart isn't in the right place at all. I'm not sure if I passed this test completely because my flesh loves followers, it's a little drug that later brings that hangover. 

Today I want to post a picture that social media approves of, loves and supports, but then the Holy Spirit is telling me to stay true to myself even if it means it's not popular. He is saying to photograph like me and not like that one other photographer who makes life look oh so perfect. To capture beauty, but in prayer and with His presence to guide me. 

This is what I have been processing today as I clean the house for our Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. My goal today will be to not post on social media much and focus on pictures, but to clean the house and let go of the striving. I need to focus on something else because my flesh wants to create and post for feedback. My feedback will be worship in the background and Jesus in my heart.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Seven Days of Seven Black & White Photos of My Life Challenge : Recap

There has been a popular challenge going on around Facebook. I'm not sure where it started or why, but I participated. Because of the rules listed below, I'm not going to say much, but post all the images from the challenge itself. A little secret, I got tired of challenging a new person each day, so I stopped doing that half way through and didn't post my last image either. I will post that image here though.

After working on this challenge I realized I need some group, challenge or class to keep me photographing and inspired. I'm not sure where to find that though. If you know of something feel free to share!

Seven days of seven black & white photos of my life:
no people,
no explanations.
Challenge someone new each day.

I was challenged by Patrick M. Higgins

Friday, November 3, 2017

Living in Ratnovce, Slovakia

Living in Ratnovce is glamorous in the spring and summer, but cruel in the fall and winter. We have arrived to another season of fall and winter in this village. I've had time to learn all I need about the flow of seasons, the beauty they hold and the hardships that comes with some of them. My opinions have formed and probably won't change.

You see, with homeschooling our son, living an hour away from church and friends, not speaking the language fluently and not having an extra car has made us very secluded in this beautiful area that feels very remote during the cold months. We have rooted ourselves here the best we could, but then friendships that keep both my son and I happy are not found here. Also, the fact that darkness comes crawling in by 4pm makes living by a lake pointless. When spring and summer rolls around so does the opportunity of enjoying life that is found outdoors. It feels so far away and when the joy of warmth comes it goes by all to quickly.

As I write this, I realize I need to seriously locate friends that speak english and are interested in connection here in Piestany. I'm not even sure how to go about this task and need to spend time in prayer as I know God can work in this area of loneliness in my life.  Does anyone know a person who knits here, who homeschool's a child here or speak English? Let me know!

My life here is so beautiful, lonely and so different from the one I lived in Seattle and even when we traveled in an airstream. In Seattle, I had friends, clients, a career, and my own car. In the airstream, we traveled from one place to another which held adventure and something new each day. In the airstream I longed for friends and a home, but I had my husband who was my friend. In Ratnovce, I have that home, but no friends and my husband is only here a few hours in the evening and on weekends. He does get to work from home, but that does not count as he is working. Here, I homeschool Augustin and we stay at home until he has activities. Our evenings are spent doing homework so that he doesn't have to do school from 10am to 6pm. The break is appreciated.

Right now I am feeling a bit like I am complaining. The truth is this is my life. I am an extravert living and introverts life and being alone from Monday-Friday with my son from morning till 6pm isn't easy for me. I am struggling when it gets dark at 4pm and I can't take a single picture. Life feels bleak and you know what, I don't have to change how I feel. This is my reality. My life is beautiful, but very lonely. Friends are important to me! I had such a beautiful friendship in Seattle. I would get invited to my friends house for the day and I had them over from morning to dinner. It was refreshing for my soul.

I'll let myself feel this way and work on not changing it, masking it, but instead I will invite Jesus to change me and my state of loneliness I am in. Plus, some days are easier to bare then others. The grass is greener on the other side, I'll work on my side as spring and summer brings that green grass.

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