You see, for me, it's easy to do things, show my life in the way social media will go bonkers over. I did reach 40K Instagram followers when that felt impossible to so many. My issue is the way my flesh wants to do only what will get recognized over what God wants to do in my life. Maybe God wants me to show the unpopular, loose followers, but get seen by those who He needs. You see, I want to play God's way and not the worlds way, but then I get my flesh that wants to do it the worlds way.
I feel this tension DAILY! For me, it has to be a daily choice to ignore my flesh, it's striving and follow God. This right here isn't easy and I don't do it perfectly every day. There are days where my flesh wins, it parties hard and the next day I am left with a huge hangover in my spirit. The hangover looks like voices of doubt, rejections, not being enough, feeling like I failed and so many other negative feelings that come at my heart. When I do it God's way, I don't feel that way. I feel victorious that I am walking in His calling for my life.
Walking with God also means letting go of thousands of followers and being okay with it. Like I said, I started with 40K followers and now have 28K with loosing up to 50 followers a day. I have to be okay with this because the day I said yes to God was the day my following started to dwindle. It's not that God doesn't want me to be successful, but I think it more about what He is doing in my heart. If it affects me and I only look at the numbers then my heart isn't in the right place at all. I'm not sure if I passed this test completely because my flesh loves followers, it's a little drug that later brings that hangover.
Today I want to post a picture that social media approves of, loves and supports, but then the Holy Spirit is telling me to stay true to myself even if it means it's not popular. He is saying to photograph like me and not like that one other photographer who makes life look oh so perfect. To capture beauty, but in prayer and with His presence to guide me.
This is what I have been processing today as I clean the house for our Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. My goal today will be to not post on social media much and focus on pictures, but to clean the house and let go of the striving. I need to focus on something else because my flesh wants to create and post for feedback. My feedback will be worship in the background and Jesus in my heart.
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