God meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be.
—Dr. Larry Crabb
Yesterday was not a good day. I cried, well I tried really hard not to cry when I recalled my day to my sweet husband. I don't like to cry. In this moment I realize it's because it makes me feel weak, helpless like a little girl and out of control. Deep down I know this isn't the truth, but my insecurities make it feel like it's the truth. Tears can be a sign of weakness, but really it's a sign of maturity. You have to be mature to let those tears fall sometimes because in that moment you are vulnerable, fragile and relieving a piece of your soul. I have a lot of growing to do in this area. My husband is a hero to me in this area.
He's a hero not because I've learned from him to let go and cry when its needed. He's a hero because he will sit there with me, without judging and encourage me to feel all the feels. He will listen to me for as long as I need him to. Isn't that very heroic of him to face rocky waters with me?! Let's face it, my emotions have been rocky waters and there is no other way to explain it. So here is a big thank you to my sweet loving and caring husband. He has not only been kind enough to encourage me, support me and listen to me, but he has loved me through sweet kisses on the cheek, random hugs when I need it and even doing the dishes because I can't touch them. All of this is done on top of him commuting to Bratislava for work (1.5 hours), coming home on a train and roller blades, doing all I stated preciously and then loving on our son by playing with him. He's been ending the evening with writing, which I couldn't be more excited about it. He has been the definition of a true man.
Today I decided to be better. If it's all in my mind then I'll make up a wonderful day where I am happy, walking with Jesus and able to do all the things that need to get done. What needs to get done is knitting, cooking and cleaning. Today I am able to let go of those nagging thoughts of what-if's and what-if-not's. I hope this self-control lasts all day. It's 11am and I've yet to eat breakfast so enough of this writing stuff and off to take care of that hungry tummy because unfortunately coffee isn't breakfast no matter how much I wish it was.