I'm avoiding social media for personal reasons, but this gives me a good chance to blog instead of using Instagram as my personal blog space. I've realized that it's so much easier to just post all my stuff on Instagram as it saves time, but then it lacks in so much.
I've been on an emotional roller coaster since June, but for whatever reason it has intensified this past week. Because of them unstable emotions I can't handle some things that pop up on social media. I haven't been able to focus on anything other then the state of my heart. Through this season I've been working on inviting Jesus into the state of my heart. There are moments when I want to drown out my pain with movies, avoiding being alone with my thoughts, browsing social media that then hurts me more in the long run and so on. When I do all these numbing activities it feels so empty and users in the feeling of loneliness, an aching pain that makes me loose site of many things. That's why it's so important for me to invite Jesus into the messes of my heart. He brings comfort with Him, He brings meaning and I KNOW He hears me, but is prompting me to be patient and to trust Him.
This all isn't easy! It's something I have to remind myself every hour. Some moments my heart gets it, I get it! Then, some moments nothing makes sense, but the roller coaster of my emotions plummets the way a real roller coaster does and than my heart is about to explode. It feels like it will explode, but when I really think about it, I know I can handle it.
So today, I let go of my numbing distractions. I invited Jesus into the brokeness of my heart and continue on with work, not in my strength, but in His. I will, through Christ, be patient with my son loving him through the chaos he is creating while at play. Really I just want to yell at him to be quiet and to leave me alone. He is SO LOUD!! Like he took two plastic water bottles, banged them together and is calling it a band. That banging makes me jump and I find myself suppressing the anger it creates within me. The thing is, he doesn't need me to throw my mess into his heart and create wounds where there shouldn't be any. Because I love him and value him I will cringe through the noise and love him.
On another note, I just told my son that I can make him beggs and acon for lunch (eggs and bacon). Sometimes the dyslexia shows up in my words and phrases when I say things backwards. I've always been this way, but it to me, I feel like its gotten more intense the last couple of months where I'll say things backwards more often.
Tín and I did get to spend a wonderful afternoon together on a mommy and son date. We got to do some of what he liked to do and some of what I liked to do. It was a good way to enjoy our last couple of weeks we had left of summer before school officially starts at the beginning of September. I can feel the fall and school year approaching and it makes me want to cry a little. As much as I love fall, winter is too close behind.
Hope you enjoy the pretty pictures as they bring healing to my own heart.