Tuesday, February 11, 2020

One Day at a Time

I am not ready to go back to work, to resume normalcy when my body is still working out this pregnancy. I'm not ready to smile at my students while feeling pain in my body and heart. As I write this it all sounds so dramatic, but it's true because all I want to do is hide myself in a corner and knit my pain away. That's actually what I've been doing for the past four days.

Today I might go for a walk to the store for some buttons. Fresh air should be good for me, but my body can't keep me warm at the moment. For some reason, the moment I got pregnant was the moment my body couldn't stay warm even though I was just fine before that. No matter how warm I am dressed I shiver the whole time when I'm outdoors. It's a big reason why I am holed up indoors as of late.

I know as the days continue on my heart might still hurt, but I can't stay in the pain. I need to move on, to let go and to just really trust God in all of this. I need to balance staying in the pain, healing and moving on. I am slowly praying my way through all of this unknown territory.

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