Tuesday, February 4, 2020

There is no baby...

Writing my feelings away for a couple of minutes.

I've waited eight years to get pregnant with our second child. Eight years of prayers, hoping and negative pregnancy tests. Three days after my 36th birthday I got my first positive test. Now I'm not awaiting a baby that's supposed to be due in September, but for a miscarriage. It could happen tomorrow of it can happen in two weeks. 

Just like that, a joy was turned into anxiety that's now confirmed as I wait for this miscarriage to happen. My feelings are extreme, raw and mean. I feel a bit betrayed, lied to and abused. I still have to go through work and life as if nothing is happening. I was waiting to announce the pregnancy with anticipation, but now a miscarriage in dread.  

My last thoughts are that I am thankful I found out at 7 weeks and not at 10 weeks because every day makes a difference when the go-line is at 12 weeks. I know that I can say, hey at least I finally got pregnant and know that I finally can, but that this moment the pain is too much that those words are more like a sword to my heart. 

I waited for eight years to get pregnant and I get to wait some more. Yay me...


  1. Dear Sweet Annetta, just read your post. I'm so sorry friend. I'll be praying for you. God sees you. This song on youtube is really good if you need encouragement. The God Who Sees: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz81dIfwf4Y

    BTW, I'm not sending out blog posts by email anymore. You can read my latest blog posts here: https://www.countrycottageliving.com/blog

  2. Hi Annetta, just wanted to reach out and give you a virtual air hug. I had miscarriages too and I waited till nature took it course. I just want to say after each miscarriage I would fall pregnant very quickly and in 9 months I was holding a baby!! Falling pregnant after a miscarraige can be a very positive thing because as my Doctor told me the hormones that help a pregnancy progress are still circulating in your body and sometimes we just need that little extra to help a pregnancy stick!
    I hope that will be the case for you.. In the meantime while that little baby was still inside me I appreciated the amazing miracle that God gave us to conceive and that life that God recognizes from the moment of conception.. that comforted me a lot and I would talk to my baby tell my baby how much I loved him or her.. even as little as 6 weeks. I believe in the promise that God gave in his word that he will gift back our lost children one day.
    Everything will be alright. All the best to you and your family.. having a coffee now and a prayer in honor of your little baby who is lost now but will be returned! May the peace of God be on your heart and mind. kind regards Michelle

  3. I’m so very sad for your loss. Praying for God to comfort you and to give you the desire of your heart.


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