Friday, December 7, 2012

Putting My Heart Out There

I've recently figured out a certain pattern that happens to me every so often. I'm not sure if I'm the only one that experiences this pattern, so I'll share and we'll find out.

I've been having a rough week with my emotions and keeping life in perspective. I couldn't figure out why I was being so hard on myself, why I felt like nothings I did was good enough or like I wasting precious time away. Then my husband pointed out that I get like that every so often. He also told me that I tend to feel that way when I've grown and what I do/did is no longer where I am as I'm on another level and my work is a level below. He said that after this season, I conquer  bigger mountains and reach bigger heights before the cycle starts all over again. I guess it's a 2 steps forward and 1 step back type of concept. 

As I processed what he just opened my eyes too I also saw something else. The other day I had a glimpse into how right my place in life is at the moment, how I'm doing what God really wants me to be doing. It was just a glimpse as that thought tends to be so powerful it shuts me down, but for that moment I knew God was pleased with me, He's been telling me so for a while now. It brings tears to my eyes for His love for me and all He's given me. It was a powerful day with many other revelations and moments where He poured into me. Then I noticed that after every big day, like seeing what God sees in me, getting my work published, or getting my work featured I have the hardest day after. So many moments I've had where the next day I want to give up, quite and never do it again. 

My hard days are followed by every victory I have. I spend the next day in battle and rejecting negative thoughts knowing they are not to be excepted. When I'm not reaching a new success or a new height all is well in my world and I do what I've always done, slowly create and show God's beauty through my images. I'm now trying to distinguish whether this is a good pattern or bad. 

Making his REALLY loud choo choo sound, where are my earplugs?! 


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