I went out and I've learned that going to the city when I have a full and heavy heart is not a good idea. While I was there I was praying the whole time, taking pictures, but my heart wasn't healing or surrendering. I felt like I was holding my breath and my worries were unchanged. Usually when I have a full or heavy heart my walks are life giving. The city felt like nothing mattered expect its own fortune. Not sure how to really describe how it all felt, but I think this is pretty close. I think that a walk through a quiet neighbourhood street without crowds is more of how my heart heals and surrenders.
After walking the streets and taking pictures for an hour I got a call from Tín who needed to stay after school to practice with his Drama class that he's in. We planned that I would meet him at his school and together we would go to the cafe in his building. Turns out I arrived an hour early, but I am glad I did. While he was in class I bought a new plant and learned my new camera some more. It seems like I discover new things about my Fujifilm x100v every week. While I was waiting for him for that hour I felt like my heavy heart lifted and things were a bit lighter and in God's hands. In these moments I am thankful I can pray in tongues because my heart isn't ready to focus on words yet. It brings me out of the darkness when I can't.
So to breakdown this whole thing about Ukraine. First off... I have a grandmother, and two grandfather's who are from there. I still have a cousin there and 2 half uncles and a half aunt living in Dnipro, Ukraine. My dad visits them every year expect he had to stop due to Covid. These are my people and my origins. Ukraine is also a neighbour of Slovakia nd my brother is in National Guard whose been deployed since January to Europe. I mean this attack hits close to home in many ways, not just one. I don't know what the months will look like ahead, but I have Jesus. I am also thankful for everyone who is praying.